You’ll know where to find me.

me:  probably would’ve stayed longer if she had a popeyes 
BFF:  LMAO oooomfg your right. like wow
me:  You’ll know where to find me if Kam and I were over
BFF:  LMAO I’ll have to check every Popeyes in NYC, but I will find you
me:  You’ll know I’ve hit rock bottom when you find me at the end of a trail of plastic flasks of rail vodka and sweet tea jugs
BFF:  LMAOO OMG NO!!
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Bike chains

 me:  you have to teach me how to chain up my bike
 Kamron:  we need to also get you a chain
 me:  will my chain hang down to my diiiiiiiiick?
 Kamron:  no
for the last time
you don’t have a penis
you are a woman
you have a vagina
me:  stop ruining my dreams.

I enjoy grossing out my sister

Older sister:  fyi GWAR was in the paper today
me:  did they show the singer’s giant penis?
Older sister:  apparently some peeps are trying to put up a giant confederate flag
and someone said they should have gwar there and will scare them away
or something
Older sister: no……….
Older sister: why would they have that in the paper ..how is that even a question
me:  we got sprayed with his penis
Older sister:  you’re disgusting.
me:  green smegma and blood and the blood of jesus
Older sister:  i’m sure.
me:  and obama and dead babies

via: indyconcerts.com

Another Convo With My BFF

BFF:  I got my refund! woop woop!
BFF: And all but a couple hundred is going into my savings
me:  told ya! “Happy birthday! Love, America”
me:  in return, America wants stimulation
BFF:  thank’s ‘Merica!
BFF:  wait….
BFF:  what stimulation?
BFF: I can go buy some panties
BFF: stimulate that economy
me:  the economical vagina with your tax moneys
BFF:  LMAO I’ll also buy beer
BFF: so that’s all kinds of stimulation
BFF:  it’ll be your turn next
BFF:  what will you do to stimulate the economy
me:  stimulate Cambodia’s econ when i go make it rain there
me: it’s gonna be a monsoooooooon
BFF:  LMAO

Mind Fucks = Bros For Life

Sean: price tag is my fav song ever
Sean: by whats her face
me: price tag?
Sean: jessie j
me: really???
Sean: hot chav. no, she’s awful
me: hahahhah
Sean: but she’s hot in a trashy kinda way
me: i hate that song
Sean: i dont need your money yet she still sings it and makes millions. wuteva skank. slightly more retarded katy perry
me: agreed
Sean: ugghhh giving me a literal headache
me: what is???
Sean: katy perry now. trying to get into this shit but i can’t
me: she’s skull fucking you with a mental strap-on
Sean: jesus. you’re hardcore
me: hahahaha
Sean: literally read that in shock
me: =X never thought that was possible lol
Sean: youve never said anything like that
me: lol I keep it at a poops, farts, and sweaty tits level with most people. WELCOME TO THE NEXT LEVEL. jk
Sean: not jk. we’re bros for life now
me: yes!
Note to self: Don’t ever Tumblr search “skull fuck” again.

Please Hold the Salt

SCW:  oh my god. that is all. oh my god.
me:  holy hell. i just wet my pants
SCW:  yeah, i’m wiping up the floor beneath me.
me:  hahaha we’re gonna leave a trail like slugs all over bedford avenue
SCW:  LOL