There was this one time…

So after going numero uno at work, I look down to get ready to pull up my black pansu…

and couldn’t find it.

I can’t tell you how confused I was for about 10 seconds. There was slight panic.

Thoughts and weird scenarios ran through my head:

Did I forget to wear it? Did I choose to go Commando? No… wait. I remember putting a pair on and admiring my butt in the mirror earlier that morning.

Did I take it off some time between putting it on and getting to work? I do that sometimes… Don’t you?

Did I accidentally wear the edible ones and it disintegrated from the heat of my ass? Pretty sure I don’t own any.

Did Happosai, the perverted pansu thief from Ranma 1/2, appear out of thin air and snatch it when I wasn’t looking? Yeah, that’s it… That dirty fuck.

I KNOW! I’m pretty sure the boyfriend somehow telepathically teleported ’em. Check his pockets. Right? Impossible. Scratch that idea.

Where the hell did it go?

I look again. The damn thing blended in with my black pants and got lost in the mix.

My heart rate regulated and the color returned to my face. I look around as if there could have been a witness to one of my derp-ist moments of all time.

No one? Cool.

We are all adults here, people.

gchat w/ Travis:
me:  i’m gonna eat paint for breakfast
Travis:  i dunno it taste pretty bad
Travis: kinda like ear wax
Travis: or a battery
me:  ear wax?? blagh
Travis:  yeah i tried it once when i was a kid.
me:  LOLOL
me:  i licked my snot before when i was a kid, never ear wax
 
(photo credit: entdocs.com & whattoexpect.com)

Gamap in Khmer = fat

My Facebook status:

I want a heaping mound of duck pate and layers of smoked duck prosciutto on a goddamn French baguette – with a side of fat juicy olives.

Comments:
Cousin: damn that sounds good! are you pmsing?
ME: No, I’m just gamap. lol
Cousin: me too but that smoked duck prosciutto sounds hella good!
(credit: Zagat)
Gchat w/ ze boyfriend:
Kamron:  hows your day going?
me:  i’m craving all duck everything
pate
prosciutto
confit
crispy skin
taro duck
roast duck
juan’s peruvian style duck
peking duck
duck blood
duck tongue
duck eggs